Saturday, September 25, 2004

We Aim To Please

Searchers today looking for "how big are albatross" (We're #2 on Ask Jeeves!) and "sex unusual places" have stopped by the Big City, so we thought we'd help out a little.

First, the albatross. A female might weigh around 132 pounds, which is bigger than me. Males are even larger. Wingspans can exceed 11 feet. ALBATROSS ARE VERY BIG. Do not mess with them.

And a tip: next time, don't Ask Jeeves anything. Jeeves doesn't know shit. Ask Google, ask Yahoo, ask Dogpile. Let Jeeves stay in the kitchen polishing silver, like he is supposed to do. Later he can bring you a brandy as you sit by the fire in your smoking jacket, your trusty hunting dog at your feet, contemplating the enormous proportions of the Wandering Albatross.

Now, on to sex in unusual places. I'm afraid I haven't got much to share on this topic, as I've had sex in decidedly USUAL places. Honest. The closest I ever got was in my boyfriend's dad's corner office in an office building in Boston after hours. There were cleaning people just outside the door running a vacuum, and my boyfriend chickened out. The view was great, though. I've never done it on an airplane, or on a train, or in a public park, or while driving a car. I've never had sex in a tent. I've never had sex in a pool or on a beach. Not in a theater, not in a backseat. Not in a swing. Not in a public bathroom. Sorry.

We're off to our biweekly pozole extravaganza, and then to meet with an engineer to look over the new house, and then I'll be chaining myself to the computer for the rest of the weekend doing my work which never, ever, ever seems to end.

Fall is in the air. It wasn't a very hot summer, as summers go in Texas, but the cooler air is welcome. Things are changing in a good way. I'm keeping my chin up.

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