Monday, September 06, 2004

Pahk Yah Cah in Hahvahd Yahd

So I finally saw Mystic River tonight, and I have a few notes:

1. It sucked.

2. Word to Clint: It is bad enough that you made your actors sound like total fucking morons (Brian: "Is she supposed to be from Georgia or Boston?"), but you need to know, for future reference, that black people in Boston DO NOT DROP THEIR R'S. Laurence Fishburne just made me laugh out loud every fucking time he said "cah." Oy gevalt. Brian had to actually turn on the English subtitles so he could understand what everyone was saying.

3. "The neighborhood"? Was their some reason you people couldn't say "Chelsea"?

4. Loved the product placement. Especially the rations of Jello in the back room during the wake scene. Holy shit, they had enough Jello in that pantry to feed an army.

5. I have to say it again. It sucked.

Clumsy exposition. Weird shifts of character for the Dave guy. Creepy "you are the king, you can rule this town" sex scene at the end. Seriously bizarre telephone calls between Kevin Bacon and his estranged wife with the perfect lipstick whose entire face we ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE...what was up with that? And where was she calling from? A rainy phone booth? The garden of Eden?

I'm shaking my head here. I just spent two hours on that movie and I can't for the life of me figure out why it got so much good press. Have I gotten too picky?

Anyway it all still managed to make me really fucking homesick and maudlin.

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