Wednesday, July 27, 2005

My Son, the Mafioso

Jack: Mom, when I grow up, I want to be President.

Me: Well, that's quite a goal! But if you put your mind to it, I'm sure you can become president...

Jack: ...President of an Italian organization!

Me: Oh.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

It's The I-Can't-Stop-Hyphenating-Shit Post!

Well, hey there! Have I mentioned my crazy mother? It’s on my mind these days after yet another visit-followed-by-a-serious-letter special combo platter. Is your mother more interfering, advice-giving, meddling, worrying, nagging, needling, and bullying than mine? Really? Prove it!

Have I mentioned that she is a psychotherapist and therefore Knows More Than God? Uh huh. Yep, we’re a mess down here in Texas, and there’s only one cowgirl smart enough, strong enough, and in possession of enough free time (conveniently during the winter months) to save us! Wow, Mom! Thanks for the offer! But seriously, leave me the fuck alone! My mom, in all of her crippling anxiety (and where did that come from? She wasn’t like that when I was a child, I don’t think) seriously thinks that we are doomed. And I mean doomed, like, there’s no hope for us if we don’t get her specialized round-the-clock, hey-I’m-a-relative, but-I-can-practice-psychotherapy-on-you-anyway, boundary-issues-don’t-scare-me treatment.


I love her, really, but sometimes I forget why.

P.S. Please send your phone to Frankie.

Monday, July 25, 2005

FrankiePants News Flash

We now interrupt your regularly scheduled boring reports of drunken parenting to request help for Frankie, a former coworker's nephew who was recently diagnosed with mucopolysaccharide III Type A or Sanfilippo Syndrome, which is a genetic disorder.

Frankie is lacking a key enzyme. Without treatment, Frankie would lose the ability to walk and talk. Life expectancy for a child suffering from Sanfilippo is 10-15 years of age.

Frankie is living at Duke Medical Center for about six months with his parents while undergoing an umbilical stem cell transplant, chemotherapy, and recovery.

The family is working w/ COTA (Children's Organ Transplant Association) to assist them with fundraising. COTA has given Frankie's family a goal to reach of $85,000 to assist with all of his transplant and treatment needs.

This is where YOU come in, my readership of 7! Frankie's aunt Lauren will be collecting cell phones, even/especially NON-WORKING ones, from now until NOVEMBER 1, 2005. For each cell phone she turns in, $3.00 gets contributed to Frankie's fund. If you have a cell phone to donate, please contact me via email, and I will send you the mailing address.

If you don't have a cell phone to donate, but you still want to help out, you can make a donation directly to COTA on behalf of Frankie. Please note that ALL DONATIONS ARE TAX DEDUCTIBLE. Donations can be made to Frankie's fund through his link on the COTA web site (Frankie's Fund) or mailed directly to COTA at

2501 COTA Drive
Bloomington, IN 47403.

When mailing in a donation to COTA, please make sure to write "Frankie D" in the memo field of your check.

Thanks for all your help!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Okay, So it Came out in 2000, So Sue Me

Finally watched State and Main last night, and I was pleasantly surprised. I had been bracing myself for some heavy-duty Mamet-style dialogue, which reminds me of the horrors of acting classes in the 1990s, among other atrocities. But truthfully it was hysterically funny and not terribly choppy, with lots of great throaway lines ("Did you see the gross for Ghandi II?"). Great script, great cast. The only weak link seems to be Sarah Jessica Parker, who just cries and vamps, and seems out of her league. I highly recommend it (for those of you who are even lamer and slower to get to movies than I am).

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

So Ronery and Sadry Arone

This week is, without a doubt, the hardest I have ever worked at any job, but I'm just trying to keep the customer satisfied, and keep my ass from getting fired (again).

Things were already slipping further and further behind, and then came the trip to New York. Did I mention the trip to New York? I didn't? Possibly that's because I haven't been mentioning much of anything at all -- just haven't had the blog fever of late.

We spent two days in the Catskills for a family reunion of my very Jewish family in a very Italian-American resort. It was certainly entertaining to walk down by the pool for a good dose of tattoos and gold chains and very, very, very big hair. I would say there were a lot more Anthonys than Jacobs running around, but we did our best to keep the place diversified. I have a great family, and they took it all in stride.

We then drove down to the city for 24 hours before flying back to Texas. My sister the bellydancer (no, really!) took us out for Cuban food that night, then in the morning we headed for downtown Brooklyn and breakfast at Junior's (eggs benedict). We then walked across the Brooklyn Bridge...this was my first time ever doing this. How it took me so long before setting foot on that bridge is beyond me, considering all the years I lived in New York. It was the highlight of the trip. We walked across lower Manhattan to the Village, where we dined with the famous, fabulous Jodi at the Village Natural. Then did a little poking around inside ABC Carpet, before catching a cab back to my sister's place in Brooklyn, retrieving my rental car with the $45.00 (!!!) parking ticket, and heading back to La Guardia. It was wonderful and heart-wrenching all at once to be back in New York -- the best city on earth, and the place I would be if the planets would only align properly and make me a millionaire. For now, I'll have to settle for annual family reunions.

Anyway, came back home to an even greater work crisis, and I've been strapped down to my computer chair ever since, although the pace is finally letting up. For several days in a row I was working until 12:30 or 1 a.m., going to bed, getting up at 6:30, getting to work at 7:30 or 8, working until 6 p.m., breaking until 8:30 p.m., working until 12:30 or 1 a.m......yowza.

Took the night off last night for the first time and we watched Team America: World Police, which was so funny it made me cry. Trey Parker is my hero.