Friday, January 31, 2003


I laughed at myself in Best Buy this morning when I decided to buy Quicken 2003 Premier Home & Business. Sarah, I said to myself, who are you kidding? A home you have, but a business...hardly. A mere 4 hours later and I have two job prospects lined up! Two! Things are looking up.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

I'm the Guy from High Fidelity

Which John Cusack Are You?

And you would be...?

Saturday, January 25, 2003

If I Ever Get Married Again... will have to be in an inflatable church.

Hell On Earth

Hell On Earth would be a birthday party at Peter Piper Pizza, 45 minutes from your house, on a cold and rainy January day. At this party the noise level would be so bad you would be practically having seizures. The pizza for which you paid twenty bucks would taste and look like crap. The grown ups would offer you unsolicited night time potty training advice and inquire (twice) as to whether your boyfriend "helps out" with the kids. Those are the grown ups that talk to you. Most of the grown ups wouldn't know you and haven't seen each other for a long time so immediately form a tight circle and talk about their own bad marriages while their husbands take the kids to the horrible arcade-cum-playland-cum-torture chamber. Except for the one child who remains IN HER MOTHER'S LAP while her mother proceeds to recount the tale of her separation and reconciliation, complete with details about marital counseling her husband cheating on her. Eventually, having had enough, the child would crawl away under the table as her mother screamed after her, "Get back here this INSTANT!" Your children would be alternately whiny and irascible. Your baby would be alternately poopy and hungry. Oh, and you would not have had any coffee that day and so be working on a first class headache.

I deserve a medal.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Movies I Would See if I Didn't Have a Two Month Old Baby

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Far From Heaven
The Hours
Morvern Callar
The Pianist
Rabbit Proof Fence
Spirited Away
Talk To Her
25th Hour

Why is it that there was nothing worth seeing during almost my entire pregnancy, when I could have gone to the movies, and now that the baby has arrived there are movies galore??? Why???

Monday, January 20, 2003

RSVP is not French for "don't bother calling me"

I would like to invite all the assholes parents of Jack's classmates to mind their manners. Jack's fifth birthday party would have been a total loss if it hadn't been for Jack's friend Aaron and sister Briana, who were 45 minutes late, but at least they SHOWED UP. I don't think he was upset, but I sure was. Still am. Seething. Perhaps This site might help in the future.

Thursday, January 09, 2003

Eyes Wide Open

I'm all for preventing ridicule in the cafeteria, but a retina scanning device? Isn't that a bit much, people? We always got along fine with ID cards. Tell me, anyway, that all the kids won't know exactly who the poor kids are, cash or no cash.

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Oh, Yasmine

I'm having more fun than I thought humanly possibly perusing the mug shots on The Smoking Gun's website. Check out this gem. Lookin' gooooood, Ms. Bleeth!

Radio Blech-o

Well, after three sucky songs in a row, I'm going to have to rescind my endorsement of Radioio. Still in search of good internet radio...if someone has a station they love, please let me know.

Sunday, January 05, 2003

Things I Do When Brian is in Houston:

*Chew ice
*Watch football
*Clean the pantry

Oh, please, it's only 24 hours. Get a grip!

I gave To Catch a Thief another stab, this time sober, and it was (surprise!) a lot better than the other night. Loved the fireworks-as-metaphor-for-climax scene. Loved Grace's white ballgown with her too-perfect breasts perched so jauntily over her cinched-in waist. Loved Cary Grant in every scene. He's so gay, but who cares?

Today's Thought:

Robert Mitchum. Sexy.

Friday, January 03, 2003

So Far, My Favorite Quote of the Week:

By mid-December, when North Korea's stinky madman started making nuclear threats against us, and the administration wouldn't even admit it was a crisis, everyone I know felt like Alice on the other side of the looking glass. Wait, it wasn't a crisis? It looked pretty crisis-y to me. But it seemed to freak Bush out, because the North Korean made it ever so slightly less likely that he'd get to bomb Iraq. It threw them, Bush and his uncles, because they can only hold one resentment at a time. You could see in Bush's face: It was deeply confusing that two things could be in the same space at the same time -- Iraq, where they tried to shoot his dad, and may have nuclear arms someday, and North Korea, where they already do, and where the leader won't bathe, or brush his teeth.

That was Anne Lamott, in Salon. Man, am I ever glad she's back.

Thursday, January 02, 2003

Oh, By the Way

I'm getting divorced tomorrow.

What Are the Odds?

So yesterday was a kick-ass, beautiful day, and Brian suggested we head out to the ranch and hike around, a delightful idea. We pack up the baby and the dogs and drive on out there at about 3 p.m. We put on our hiking boots and started climbing through the woods. We headed over the creek and up towards the cliff. And this is when we lost the dog. Again. No dog. Chickendog, of course, being her wonderful, dependable, well behaved self, is stuck to us like glue. Hamish is gone, gone, gone. We kept on hiking up to the cliff, and stopped for a bit to take in the lovely view. The sun was starting to go down so we headed back towards the car. All this time, of course, we're calling out for Hamish, but there's no sign of him. You have to picture very dense Cedar trees, on rocky, hilly terrain. We couldn't see very far in any direction because of the trees. In fact, we got lost on our way back because it's so hard to find your way around in this stuff. When we went through the fence and shut the gate behind us I was in tears, thinking of poor Hamish stuck back there all alone, but there was nothing to be done. We had the baby with us, no flashlight, it would be totally dark in less than an hour, we had to go back to the car.

As it was, we barely made it back before the light was gone, and we drove over to Brian's aunt's house feeling worried and dejected. They were all gearing up for a nice meal of black eyed peas, which was what we had been planning for dinner also. We headed back to town. Of course, driving away from the ranch back towards the highway, what should we find but someone else's loose dog..."what are the odds?" I said to Brian, as we picked him up and headed back towards his house. We deposited him (he was a sweet black lab, I wanted to take him home with me) with his doggy friends and went on to Brian's place.

I cooked up some fabulous Hoppin' John, Brian mixed up some margaritas, we both got hammered and started watching To Catch A Thief. Which, by the way, just didn't capture my interest. Maybe it was the margarita or the missing dog, but I just wasn't digging it.

The phone rang at 12:26. It was Brian's aunt Pam. Her dogs had been going crazy so she headed outside and heard barking far away. Bless her heart, she grabbed a flashlight and went down to the creek where she retrieved my dumb, skinny, scatterbrained, beautiful Border Collie.

One of these days we'll drink that champagne.

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Really, Really Good

The very instant I hit the "Post & Publish" button, who did I see on my front lawn? That's right, Hamish himself. He's muddy, but otherwise looks none the worse for wear. We are two very relieved people right now. Happy New Year!

Really, Really Not Good

My dog is missing. He took off last night, spooked by the fireworks, and that was the last we saw of him. Brian and I spent the night driving around the subdivision, asking happy drunk people if they'd seen our dog. I'm so worried for him...I can't even really write about it. We're saving the half bottle of champagne for his safe return.