Monday, August 30, 2004

Huh? Do you???

Brian is at HIS HOUSE* not feeling well, something about a kidney stone and a ruptured disc, cry me a river. I'm at MY HOUSE with two screaming babies and a pile, a veritable pile

of work to do. The babies are upstairs screaming in their cribs and do I feel bad about this? Why yes, yes I do. And am I drinking a glass of Merlot? Why yes, yes I am. And will I probably finish the freaking bottle? Yes, indeedy. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? HUH???

OH, hey, my mother finally decided to contact me after WEEKS of silence. WEEKS. She sent me a dvd of video she shot when she was here in June. Looks like it was shot from some sort of hidden camera necklace, or something. It's really, really bad and dark and grainy. And bone-crushingly boring. Mostly it's my kids, wandering around, doing nothing very interesting. Occasionally, there is a shot of my knees. Or me in my bathrobe wandering through the room with a pile of towels. And the thing ends in the MIDDLE of someone's sentence. Photography and videography were just never my mother's thing. But hey, at least she's speaking to me again. Or something. Actually, after a week or two of fretting over her feelings, it's been incredibly nice, this silence. I like it when she doesn't speak to me. God, how sad is that?

I'm planning my grand trip to NYC in April or May of next year, when the twins are weaned. And I'm looking for suggestions. I feel the need to plan this thing out so that I don't miss anything. I would hate to come back to Austin after 5 days in New York and realize that all I did was sort of wander aimlessly around the Village (not unlike every weekend of my entire 4 years of college), occasionally stopping off for a cup of coffee or browsing in some overpriced boutique full of shit I didn't want. That would be TRAGIC, people. So, on my list of things to do I have:

lunch with Jodi

go to the MOMA

see a movie at one of the revival houses downtown

ABC home


maybe visit ground zero (I know, tacky touristy thing to do but I feel a need)

and now I'm coming up blank.

Ideas, people! And not of the Empire State/Lady Liberty variety, I'm a New Yorker, I've been there done that. Where should I eat? Where should I drink? What do I want to see? Because I don't have a clue.

God I miss New York, I miss Boston, I miss the East Coast and the Atlantic ocean. I miss conifers, for god's sake. I miss wearing sweaters.

Shit, getting maudlin, must be the Merlot talking. Time to cut me off.

*Jesus God I'll be happy, so fucking happy, when I don't have to say HIS house and MY house any more. I mean Christ, we're together, we have 5 kids, could we not inhabit a single house together? All at once? On a daily basis? Seriously?

Sunday, August 29, 2004


I know it looks like he's hitting the hard stuff, but I swear that's just ice in that cup.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Saucy Bitch

I always hated Blair.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Bloggy Slumber Party

It's my blogiversary today...if I could, I'd have a great big cake and some ice cream, and invite Jody (the very first blog I ever read), Jodi (humorous and personal without being TOO personal, if you know what I mean. I like Jodi because she works hard on every post, makes you laugh, and gives you just enough about herself while still remaining private, not an easy balance), rosebaby (is there a cuter dog? Or a cuter couple? rosebaby is an artist, and I love the sketches and photographs she shares. It's also fun to read about people in love, as she is with the next person, Brian (who posted a little poem in my comments section one day, and earned my instant affection. I then quickly figured out that his long-distance romance was with the lovely rosebaby. This was just before he took a giant leap of faith and went to join her in Seattle. Love), Meg (Meg is smart, knows a lot about design, she's friendly and helpful and visits my blog. I like Meg), Sarah B (Sarah B is too famous to notice me, but I notice her. She's a good writer, and I count her among the bloggers who inspire me to think carefully about a post, to write creatively. Plus, she has great taste in music), Peggy (I love Peggy's pictures of the horses, her passion for politics, her never-ending crush on the Beatles), Yvonne (Yvonne really scared the shit out of me the first time I read her blog. It was so...raw. But then she kind of grew on me. I like reading Yvonne's blog because she holds nothing back. It's the other end of the spectrum), Melly (Melly's a single mother living in Texas with one of the cutest kids ever), c (this was one of the first blogs I ever read that was devoted entirely to humorous content. I think c monks is hysterical), Heather (she's the dooce, what else is there to say), Mimi (she's funny and she gives good link), and my hero, Mrs. Kennedy (Mrs. Kennedy is my ego ideal. She rocks my blogworld). We'd play pin the tail on the donkey, whack the shit out of a pinata, and stay up all night in our pj's watching scary movies on TV. In the morning, Brian would make us pancakes and then all the moms would come and take the bloggers back home.

Seriously, though, all of the above blogs have helped or inspired me in some way over the last couple of years. It's the only creative outlet I have these days, and I don't give it nearly the time and attention I would like, but it's something. So thanks to all of the above. I hope you stop by and have a bite of cake! It's on me. Or, it's on the table, but I'm paying for it. Well, then again, if you'd like me to put it on me, that could be fun...

Friday, August 20, 2004

Baby Love

Just delightful.

sunset and sliver moon

sunset and sliver moon

flickr is great fun.

I should be working but it's been one of those days/nights/weeks. Now it's after midnight and I guess I'm heading for bed. My back is killing me, my head is throbbing...might as well call it a night.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Carrie and Allison

Carrie and Allison
Originally uploaded by orchid8.
testing flickr

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Commenting on Commenting

I liked the fact that Blogger offered built-in commenting software with their newly designed interface, but I hated the software itself. The whole notion that you had be registered to have a name, otherwise you were "anonymous" really bugged the shit out of me. That and the fact that it was slow. I thought I'd stick with it for a while to see if it got better, but it never got better, so now I'm back using enetation. Please leave a comment and help me test it out! And by "leave a comment" I mean "tell me your all time favorite meal."


I am SO TOTALLY Gandhi.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

First Grade

Jack starts First Grade today, but I'm not there to take him to school and see him through the doors. I wasn't there last year, either. Don't worry, this isn't going to be some maudlin post about how many of the precious moments I am missing in my childrens' lives because of the divorce. I was the one who initiated the divorce, after all. And although divorce is difficult and complicated and sad, and I worry every day on some level if I did the right thing and if my boys will somehow be damaged, I would do it all over again in a heart beat. That was not the life I wanted to be living. Maybe it was stupid to stay in it so long, have so many children, then bail. Or maybe it was selfish of me to get out, maybe I should have stayed in it "for the sake of the children" as so many are fond of saying. There is an endless amount of second-guessing a person can do post-divorce (and pre-divorce, and mid-divorce), and trust me, I do my share. But I'm not so much into regretting. I'm much more into learning and moving on.

I'm glad that my ex insisted on 50/50 custody. I think it's important that our boys know that they are no more or less important to either of us. When my parents were divorced, I spent weekdays with my mother (homework, bag lunches, dentist appointments) and weekends with my father (movies, eating out, trips to the beach, sleeping late). What was the message there? It was the 70s, and that was just how it was done, but clearly what I learned from that was that moms were there to make sure all the important stuff got done and you combed your hair, and dads were there to have fun with you and take you to the circus. Not a message I want passed on to my own children.


Jack started school today, without me. He'll be fine, and I'll try to be fine. Last year was definitely harder -- Kindergarten is such a milestone, and I cried about it. I'm not crying today. But I wish I could have been there, helped him get dressed, made sure he was clean and presentable, and watched him as he walked, all brown legs and giant red backpack, through the big heavy doors and into school.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Not in any Particular Order

Fay Wray was totally hot.

I took a nap and had a dream about clenching my teeth. I woke up feeling tense.

I need about $2000 more a month to pay all of my bills and actually have money left over for things like medical insurance and, oh, I don't know, electric bills.

The electric company called. Apparently I owe them money.

I have more work than I can handle.

I have more children than I can handle.

Frito pie is awesome.

Having sex in unusual places is fun, but can leave you with bruised vertebrae.

Bruised vertebrae can be a nice reminder of having sex in unusual places.

6-year-olds NEVER FUCKING SHUT UP. I can't wait for school to start up again.

Friday, August 06, 2004


So it turns out that taking pictures of food can be sort of tricky business...but here it is:

Brian brought home Liz Phair's Juvenilia, and God but doesn't it bring me right back. I'm feeling old tonight.

Drinking iced scotch and soda
I proclaim the ocean like a Coppertone baby
Wait and see
You don't know who I am
Fig or tree
Lex or Superman


I have no idea what we're having for dinner, no way of going shopping as Brian has the car, but I don't care because there is a blueberry crisp in the oven RIGHT NOW. It will be ready at 4:48. I think it's blueberry* crisp** for dinner, forget the vegetables, the starch, the protein. Forget all that.

Additionally, it's FRIDAY. Which means that although I am still behind on my work, I will not be any MORE behind on my work for the next 2 days, and I may even get just a little bit more caught up. I told myself no alcohol until I was completely caught up but I think I might have lied to myself because I sense a gin and tonic in my future. I'm psychic that way.

*This used to be mixed berry crisp until Brian came on the scene and informed me that he does not like his berries mixed. Weirdo.

**Truly the most unappealing picture of a mixed berry crisp POSSIBLE. Mine looks better. I'll show you later.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Or not...

Sigh. Why can't they ever just SLEEP?


It's time to get the other port-a-crib from the ranch and set it up in the bedroom, they're really too big to be sleeping together, one inevitably wakes the other one up at 4 in the morning. But still, how cute is this?

That's Allison on the left.

Okay, girls are sleeping, that means it's time for me to work.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Brain Tumors Suck

It's Polly's birthday today. She was born on the first of August, my dad on the first of December, so she chose the first of March as a wedding day to keep everything consistent. I was a little bit surprised that she didn't hold out until the first of June to die, since she was so close, but it was May 30, 2001.

I'm not going to write a Happy Birthday letter to a dead person, because I don't really think she's reading my blog from on high. I miss her. It sucks that she's gone. I wish she could have stuck around longer, met the rest of her grandkids, seen me (finally) in a good relationship, seen A. (finally) in a good relationship. I miss her mostly at birthdays and holidays -- no one did those better than she did, she was perfect in a Martha Stewart kind of way, which sounds frightening but was actually really great. It's comforting to have someone so reliable in your family making such good food, giving such good gifts, keeping such a beautiful house. I miss her sneaky little smile, the way her skin looked like gold, the way she filed her nails out to a rounded point. I miss the peach fuzz on her cheek, the way she moved around the kitchen. I miss her letters, always full of information about what was going on outside her studio window -- the animals, the snow, the trees. I always felt perfectly safe and happy in her house, cocooned in her warm embrace, and now it and she are gone from me forever.

My dad gets back from the Vineyard today, and he and his girlfriend are making preparations for her to move in with him. People, it is true, get on with their lives. And my dad has never been fond of being alone. I'm happy for him, and she seems nice, and that's all fine with me.

But brain tumors suck.