Friday, July 30, 2004

One, Two, Three

1. Bloggity Goodness

Every once in a while I’ll stumble across a blog that is so funny, so real, so well-written, so…much better than mine that I hide my bloggy head in shame. I also post a link to it, because, well, you should be reading it too. Please note the addition of Chez Miscarriage to the blogroll on the right.

2. The Nanny

So, we have this nanny. And it’s weird because, in my book, only upper-middle-class white women in the suburbs have nannys, which brings me to the disturbing realization that I am an upper-middle-class white woman in the suburbs. Well, sort of. But you know, I never thought I was the nanny TYPE. And by that I guess I mean I didn’t realize I was a grownup already, but apparently I am, and apparently I have a lot of kids, and apparently it is too much for me to handle on my own, the kids and the job and the house, because LO AND BEHOLD! The laundry is suddenly getting done and the kitchen counters are clean and the beds are made on a regular basis! Praise Jesus! And furthermore she is very attractive with a nice, luscious figure which allows a certain person I know (well okay, maybe both of us) to engage in all sorts of happy little threesome fantasies to which I say…


But a boy can dream. And yeah, fine, he’s not the only one. Of course when I dream about sex, as I did last night, it was sex with Brian. And only Brian. Apparently I can’t even cheat in my sleep.

3. D

The Big D is back. Seven or so years ago the depression from which I suffered for 10 years magically, mysteriously evaporated in a cloud of pregnancy hormones, never to be heard from again. There were a few little hiccups of sadness and grief, and even the occasional Very Black Day, but none of the soul-sucking, pit-of-darkness, lie-on-the-couch-all-day, wish-you-were-dead depression that used to overcome me. Until recently. I don’t know if it’s having kids that for me kept it mainly at bay, or if it’s the hormones involved in pregnancy and nursing, or what. All I know is, it was gone, and I was glad it was gone, and now it’s back, but not all the time. I can be moving along just fine with my day and then suddenly everything takes a turn for the worse, the gaping black hole of doom opens up before me, and I want only to cease to exist. I’m not even sure what’s happening here, if it’s creeping back, or just making a little cameo, if I’m going to need drugs or just to take more walks in the sunshine. So far it’s manageable, and I’m hoping it will crawl back into its fucking cave and leave me alone so I can get on with this business of living. We’ll see.

No comments: