Thursday, July 08, 2004


I realize that this amazing thing happened to me over four months ago and I now have twin babies, and with that comes a lot of interesting material to write about, but for some reason the whole experience of having twins has not really made it onto this blog, and I can't exactly explain it. Partly I just don't think I can do it justice, and partly of course I am really fucking tired. But surely I can manage to plunk down a few words about Life With Twins before it’s all lost to my notoriously poor memory storage banks.

There are a few things worth mentioning:

1) Instant Celebrity Status. If you have two babies with you at the same time, you are so much more noticed than if you have merely one. You are the rock star of your local Costco. People will cross the street to come see your babies, they will stop serving food to the other customers, they will ooh and aah and coo and caw at your babies, and they will point them out to all the other people around them. “Look! Twins!” My girls are like J. Lo and Ben Affleck right now. Highly, highly desirable.

2) The Questions. What fascinates me most about the whole public twin spectacle is that everyone, EVERYONE, asks the same initial question. Everyone. And that question is…

Are they twins?

Now, bear in mind that these are identical 4-month-old baby twin girls, who are frequently dressed alike, and frequently seen with just me, or with me and Brian. And I ask you, is that not the stupidest question on the planet? And yet it is asked over and over again. There was the one woman who realized it was a stupid question and so tried to come up with another way of putting it, but the best she could manage was…

Are they attached?

There were so many potential smart-ass responses to this totally inane question (my favorite: "Yes, sadly, they are attached at the head. The surgery is scheduled for next year.") that I must admit I was completely struck dumb. The second-most common question would be…

Boy and girl?

Um, no. You see how they’re wearing identical pink dresses? That would be your cultural cue to realize that they are BOTH GIRLS you nimrod. Now get out of my face.

3) They’re Everywhere. Everyone is a twin. Of course, when you think about it, you realize that adult twins aren’t likely to be spending all day every day with their sibling, no matter how close a relationship they’ve got going on. Just like the rest of us, they have lives of their own, their own families, shopping to do (like at Costco for example). Maybe they see their twin sibling more often than some of us see our sisters and brothers, but they’re not walking around in matched sets with little “Twin” signs hanging around their necks, so you’re not aware of it. Until you have twins. Then, you can be sure, they let you know. “I’m a twin.” “My mother’s a twin.” “My sister just had twins.” “My third cousin once removed is a twin and so is her great aunt!” Twins are all around us. Twins are watching us. It's ALL TWINS ALL THE TIME!

That's all I have for now. There is BIG NEWS on the horizon but I'm not wanting to jinx it. Cross your fingers and toes, and I'll let you know next week.

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