Fourth of Ju-BUY
Also, Mr. Insurance Salesman who stuck your plastic American flags complete with your business card into all of the lawns in my neighborhood? Two days ago? If I feel like decorating, I'll do it myself, thanks. This holiday is about INDEPENDENCE and GETTING DRUNK and FIREWORKS, it's not about advertising. I think the garbage man might have called Tom Ridge, though, after he saw me rip it out of the ground and throw it in the garbage can as they were coming around the corner. He definitely gave me a long, slow look as they were driving past my house. Maybe I should have burned it for extra effect. I hate the motherfucking suburbs.