Thursday, April 03, 2003


The reason for my extended absence (admit it, you missed me, all none of you) is that I have an actual, honest-to-goodness JOB. And I think it's even a good job. Time will tell, but it's seeming that way. Still, I now have to get up at 6 in the morning, haul my kids out the door by 7:15 at the latest, drive them 25 minutes south, deposit them at day care, and then turn my car around and go 45 miles north to work, arriving by 8:45 or so. I work until 4:30, get back in the car, make it to day care by 5:30, pick all the kids up, get back home by 6:15 or so, make dinner, administer bath, read stories, tuck in, collapse...interrupted of course by the one or two or three middle-of-the-night cries (only Eli could bump his head at 2 in the morning while SLEEPING). This schedule has me and my car feeling just a little bit flattened out, but it's still better to be earning money and feeling tired than the alternative, which was starting to scare the shit out of me. I'm still, of course, scared, as the work isn't yet paying what I'm hoping it will, and I'm desperately behind on some of my bills, but at least things are looking up.

Javier is doing marvelously in day care, he hasn't skipped a beat. And the big boys are growing bigger and more wonderful every day. I count my lucky stars, I do. Of course, with this new schedule I'm seeing much less of Brian, and that's hard. I'm lonely for him.

The war has me down. I'm waking up and driving and going to sleep to NPR, and when it's not NPR, I'm surfing the web for news of the war while at work. When I think about those Iraqi soldiers, most of them conscripted into service very much against their will, coerced into taking up arms and then getting blown to pieces for it. When I hear the words "collateral damage." When I think of the hundreds of thousands of children who are scared and hungry and hurt. When I think if the havoc we are wreaking on this country in the name of oil all makes my head hurt.

Other news...I finally had "the talk" with my mother tonight. It felt good, actually, to get it all off my chest, even though my initial plan was to not get into it with her. I told her I thought she was worried and anxious for no reason, and had an unhealthy attachment to my children, and that she should tell me in person how she's feeling instead of waiting and sending a letter on the eve of her trip to Europe, and that she was most definitely NOT welcome to come back in May, as she was hoping to do. Parents. Can't live with 'em, can't leave 'em by the side of the road. I wish she'd just learn her lesson, but it never happens. Anyway, it felt good, for me anyway. I'm sure she's feeling pretty horrible right now, but she brought it on herself.

I've been doing a lot of shooting with my Nikon in the last few weeks, getting ready for the wedding which I'm shooting the first weekend in May. I'm so excited about this professional photography job I can hardly stand it. I've got film in my bag to be taken to the lab -- shots of Maida and her beautiful dog Violet in front of a more-wisteria-than-thou wisteria bush. I swear, this plant was definitely trying to make a point. I can't wait to see the pictures.

Here's a timely poem for you.

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