Wednesday Morning 3 A.M.

Isn't that a Simon and Garfunkel album?

SCENE

Bedroom. Dark. A woman sleeping in the bed. A man enters the room.

B: There goes the 3:30 train.

S: ...

B: Did you hear me?

S: You said "there goes the 3:30 train."

B: You didn't move a muscle.

S: ...

B: The girls are sleeping upstairs. They tag teamed me all night.

S: You should have woken me up at midnight. I told you to wake me up if you couldn't get them to go down.

B: You were in here sleeping like a log. Your mouth was open, you were stiff as a board.

S: That's what I look like when I'm sleeping.

B: You were dead to the world.

S: Well I'm sorry you were up all night with them.

B: Be careful of the carpet at the bottom of the stairs, it's wet. Hamish shit in the house.

S: Did you scream and curse?

B: You heard me!

S: No, I can just imagine it. "Godamnit motherfucking asshole!"

B: You DID wake up!

S: I just know you really well.

B: Oh you do, do you? What am I thinking right now?

S: (Projecting) You're thinking shut up and go to sleep.

B: No, I'm thinking about sex.

S: Mmmf. (pause) That should be my standard answer. You're thinking about sex.

B: I watched this movie with Darryl Hannah and that actress we like.

S: ...

B: Holly Hunter?

S: We like Holly Hunter.

B: All movies should have Holly Hunter in them. Naked.

S: Mmmmf.

B: And that guy who has horses and runs that film festival.

S: Robert Redford. (pause). "Legal Eagles." Debra Winger.

B: Right! Debra Winger! I thought her accent sounded funny.

S: It's like...Deception Trivia.

B: (Laughs)

S: Try to guess the answer in spite of the fucked up question. I should win a prize.